If you’ve ever known exactly what you need to do to take care of yourself and then completely frozen the moment things got intense – this one is for you.

There’s a pattern I keep seeing, in my own life and in the lives of the women I work with…

We know we need support. We know we need practices. We know we need something to ground us when life starts pulling us in ten directions at once. But when the intensity actually arrives… we freeze. We spiral. We reach for whatever is closest – and sometimes that’s not the thing that truly helps.

This has been coming through really strongly for me lately, especially as I’ve been moving through a beautiful ceremony retreat in Costa Rica. And what keeps landing is something I think we all need to hear.

The Emergency Room Metaphor

Think about an emergency room physician.

When things are calm, they can take their time. They move slowly through the space, learning where every tool is, getting familiar with the setup. But when a crisis comes through the door, they need to know – instinctively, in their body – exactly where everything is and how to use it.

That’s how our emotional lives work too.

In those moments when anxiety surges or overwhelm takes over, we can’t start building our support system from scratch. We need to already have our toolkit built. We need to know what to reach for. And that means doing the work of discovering our needs before those moments arrive.

This is one of the most compassionate things we can do for ourselves – and it starts with a really simple awareness.

What Are You Actually Craving?

Each of us is trying to create an emotional experience in our lives. We want to feel peace. We want to feel joy. We want to feel empowered. And most of the time, what we’re deeply craving is the opposite of what we’re currently living in.

If you’re stressed, you’re craving ease. If you’re feeling heavy, you’re craving lightness. If you’re exhausted, you’re craving energy that actually feels good in your body.

So I want to invite you to pause for a moment right now.

What is the emotional response you are truly craving? What’s the feeling your body has been quietly asking for?

Once you have that word… two really important questions open up.

The First Question: What Has to Go?

Before we try to add anything new, sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is clear what’s fueling the dysfunction in the first place.

For me, there was a season where I was carrying an overwhelming amount of pressure, and the emotional response I wanted so badly was ease. When I sat with the question of what had to go, the answer was painfully clear.

I was holding on to everyone else’s expectations. My parents’ ideas about what I should do with my life. Friends’ stress that I was absorbing as if it were mine to carry. This internal pressure I had put on myself to be somebody… to prove something.

What had to go was the weight I was never meant to hold.

And that question alone shifted so much. Because sometimes we’re trying to build new habits and new practices on top of a foundation that’s already cracking under the weight of things that aren’t even ours. Clearing that first creates space for everything else to land differently.

The Second Question: What Do I Need to Build?

This is where the toolkit comes in. And honestly, discovering what actually works for you is a practice in itself.

Some of us start by searching for ideas online. Some of us talk to friends and ask what helps them. Some of us stumble into our medicine by accident and realize, oh… that’s what my body needed.

And I love thinking of our toolkit like a menu at a restaurant.

Your Emotional Menu

Appetizers – the small, quick things that take five or ten minutes but shift your state immediately. For me, that’s 60 slow breaths before I put my feet on the ground in the morning. It’s filling my body with water first thing. It’s putting on one song and letting my body move however it wants to.

Main Courses – the deeper practices that take more time and space. A long walk in nature. A full breathwork session. Journaling for an hour. A conversation with someone who truly sees you.

Desserts – the sweet, comforting things we reach for in intensity. Binging a show. Eating something that feels like a hug. These aren’t bad… they’re just not meant to be the whole meal. They’re the treat we enjoy sometimes, not the foundation we build on.

The magic is in having all three ready.

Write your menu down. Put it somewhere you can see it – on your fridge, in your notes app, on a sticky note by your bed. Because when the storm comes, and it will come, you want to already know what’s available to you.

We Discover Our Needs Together

Here’s the deeper piece of this that I keep coming back to…

We discover our needs in community. We get ideas from each other. We remember what’s possible when we hear someone else say, “this is what helped me.” That mirror, that reflection, that shared experience… it’s medicine in itself.

We get sick in isolation. We heal in community.

So if you’re in a season where everything feels heightened and you’re not sure what you need, start with those two questions. What has to go? And what does my body, my heart, my spirit actually need to feel the way I want to feel?

You don’t have to figure it all out today. You’ve just gotta start listening.

Reflections for the Week

Body

Pay attention to what your body does when intensity rises this week. Does your jaw clench? Do your shoulders lift? Does your breathing get shallow? Start noticing your body’s early warning signals – they’re telling you it’s time to reach for something on your menu. Even one slow, deep breath in that moment is an appetizer worth having.

Soul

Sit with this question today: what is the emotional response your soul is truly craving right now? Don’t overthink it. Let the first word that comes forward be enough. Peace. Joy. Ease. Playfulness. That word is your compass… let it guide what you build into your days this week.

Business

Take an honest look at what’s fueling pressure in your work right now. Is there an expectation, a task, or a commitment that’s been sitting heavy in your field? Ask yourself what has to go, or at least loosen – so your nervous system has room to breathe. Your best work will always come from a body that feels supported, not squeezed ♡

Xoxo, Lauren